looking around in the waiting room, my eyes peruse the all too familiar scene of deceivingly uncomfortable chairs and wooden coffee tables. The lady behind the opaque sliding window had me fill out a stack of paperwork about a year ago... but that was a year ago. nothing to waste time on thinking about now. Anyway, I notice the painting of the beach, washed down from the wear and tear of stale air and waiting. oh what waiting can do...

bored, i decide that now's as good a time as any to clear the history off my phone. it's a lot slower than when it was new. not a lot of memory to work off of so hopefully deleting some text messages will do it some good. I don't think it will distract me in case the lady behind the window calls my name. you can hear a pin drop in this room.

i come across some texts from early 2009. wow. this phone can store a lot. that's over 8,000 texts. makes me wonder... why is a phone built to carry so much memory? whatever. delete. delete. delete... and why can't i just delete these all at once? *sigh* i got time. delete. delete. delete. delete. delete. delete. i wonder again...

ok well, let's read them at least. it won't make this task so tedious if i can entertain myself with old messages. "let's meet up. coffee at 12:00 pm?" delete... boring... "don't forget your toothbrush, angelica!" delete... "i think i'm falling in love with you"....... wow. forgot about that. well, delete... "do you think you will be ok staying at home by yourself tonight?" ... interesting struggle. glad i'm over that... delete... "are you over it or are you faking it?" ...delete..."stop lying to yourself. face it already. you need to move on and forgive" ... glad i ignored that text. it would have opened up too much dialogue through text and i definitely wasn't going to talk about it on the phone. delete. "it's almost the new year!!!! may the Lord make his presence known in your life"... that would be awesome. it would be nice to see that in 2010.delete...

"angelica esteban?" the lady behind the window calls with an unfamiliar voice. that's weird. everything thing here is familiar. i heard it so clearly in the beginning of this year. you'd think that if she's the only voice i've heard in this waiting room for the past year that i'd recognize it off the bat. maybe it's a new lady that slipped in while i was deleting some texts or something. i walk over. nope. it's the same lady. this time i catch a glimpse of her tag. not trying to be sneaky. i guess this time i just bothered to look at it. Wow, i think to myself... i've known this person all my life. interesting how i haven't bothered to act natural around her and just knock on the window to have conversation. would have made this year go a bit faster... or at least less lonely. i probably could have talked to her about all those questions she made me answer in the beginning of the year... too late now.

"angelica, could you fill out this paperwork?" "Uh... sure... wait... didn't i answer these questions last year?" "Yup... but it's been a whole year since your last check up. we like to track your progression" "Progression? no, see i answered those questions so that i could see the doctor and he could tell me my problems. Progression... i think i missed out on that step towards healthy living."

"if there's nothing new, mark as such. We'll be checking up on you again in the next year. Have a seat," she says and closes the screen door.